


An afternoon existential crisis

by SmileDesu



Category: New Avengers (Comics), Young Avengers
Genre: M/M, space arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-28 05:49:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7627543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmileDesu/pseuds/SmileDesu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being told you're the reincarnation of a hero from millennia ago is hard enough to swallow, all the more so when people still hold you up to that today. When Teddy's insecurities resurface after his encounter with the Knights of the Infinite, it's up to Billy to share his insights on such matters and hopefully get his partner through it in one piece.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An afternoon existential crisis

Excelsior - that was the name of the magical sword wielded long ago by the first Skrull-Kree hybrid to be born into the universe - Dorrek Supreme. A leader and a hero to his people, he became a legend that survived the test of time, inspiring others like him that belonged to neither culture for they came from both. And his sword? Excelsior remained dormant in a pillar of light, rejecting any who came to claim it as it waited for its master's return. At long last he did, the once and future king - a young man bearing the soul of Dorrek Supreme, going by the name of Teddy Altman. An aspiring hero in his own right, it wasn't that Teddy wasn't excited to get the sword - what fanboy wouldn't be, in some small piece of his soul? It changed little the fact he hadn't the foggiest idea how to even begin wrapping his mind around it.  
  
"Sorry for the wait." Enter Max Brashear. Son of one renowned genius superhero Adam Brashear, Max inherited his father's gift in the sciences and academics, a talent that made Roberto DaCosta recruit him into his reimagined AIM. It was Max's laboratory they were in now, as it was deemed the best - read: safest - place to keep Excelsior in. The sword was spinning idly in its containment case while Teddy wondered if he was indeed staring at it, or at his reflection on the clear material forming the box. Over his shoulder he could make out the reflected form of Billy Kaplan, one cosmic powerhouse and Teddy's partner - his fiance. Their eyes met through their reflections, and Billy saw enough of _something_ there because the next moment he was frowning. Teddy offered a quick smile before stepping aside to let Max approach the container.  
  
"The meeting took longer than I thought. I guess some things never change no matter where you are, huh? I was excused when I said you two were waiting for me, but I think Roberto's expecting me back, ugh."  
The contraption whirred as its numerous subsystems shut down and finally one partition lowered, granting the ones present access to its contents. Teddy took a deep breath, reached out and took hold of the hilt. The sword was light and agreeable, and as before, felt nothing short of _right_ in his hand. It _did_ feel right... so why did he feel so _off_ about it?  
  
"I take it you two are off to the training hall, then?"  
It wasn't Max's question that pulled Teddy out of his thoughts, but Billy's hand on his shoulder.  
  
"That's the plan," Billy replied in a light voice, though he was squeezing Teddy's shoulder. "Unless someone's camping in there _again_."  
  
"That's one problem I _don't_ have," Max laughed, then moved about uneasily. "So, uh, don't suppose you two need me for anything else? I could monitor--"  
  
"Sorry, Max, but we've got this."  
  
"...I'll remember this."  
  
"I think we just made a powerful enemy," Billy muttered as AIM's head of theoretical physics left the room in a heavy step. He looked at Teddy then and found that _something_ again, but kept to himself, instead leaning a bit closer and motioning away with his head.  
"Shall we?"  
  
Teddy took a moment to enjoy Billy's expression which was, despite it all, joyous and excited, playful, even. It was enough to make him smile as well.  
  
"Let's."  
  
–  
  
"I think I figured it out," Billy declared when finally they took a break. Teddy sat down with a drink and watched Billy pace about, his cape flittering around him. "Using the sword's energy projection _shouldn't_ be so hard on you. It's _my_ fault, I gave you some really bad advice. See, I'm my own energy generator, but that's not the case with you. For you it's the sword, so you need a different mental image than what I use. I'm thinking _pinball_ \--" He paused both his speech and march so he could properly look at Teddy. Teddy on his part noticed fast enough and looked up curiously. When Billy kept quiet, he frowned.  
  
"Something up?"  
  
"That's my line, I think," Billy berated softly and sat down next to Teddy. "You've been out of it all day."  
  
Teddy's initial instinct was to brush it off, say nothing was wrong, and that they should get back to training. This was Billy, however, the person Teddy wanted to share the rest of his life with. Keeping things to himself like this wasn't part of the deal, and was not recommended besides.  
"I guess I'm still trying to wrap my mind around all of this," he started with the sword held up, his eyes running over the length of the rune-covered blade. "I used to think the worst was behind me, that the biggest plot twist of my life was already revealed. The long lost son of a Skrull princess and a Kree warrior, sent to Earth to escape a death sentence issued by the Skrull emperor... Bonus round! There are all these _prophecies_ about me! That's heavy."  
  
"It is," Billy agreed.  
  
"And big."  
  
"It's up there, alright."  
  
Sighing heavily, Teddy's shoulder slumped. "You'd think that would be enough. Who'd think there'd be more?! I certainly didn't!"  
  
"Until now...?"  Billy filled in gently. Teddy nodded, deflating further in the process.  
  
"Until now," he confirmed in a whisper and looked at the sword again. "Now there are _more_ people who think they know me, all the more people who expect things of me, meanwhile I'm-- I'm frigging _Space Arthur!_ "  
He waved his arms around, the gesture making Billy pull away on instinct at the sight of the swinging sword. Teddy winced and leaned the sword over the seat next to him.  
"Sorry."  
  
"I yet live," the mage reassured, sounding rather amused. He then rested his hand over Teddy's forearm before sliding it down to take hold of Teddy's hand. "Go on?"  
  
Teddy nodded, but still took a moment to stare at their hands, drawing reassurance from the sight. "I'm not so sure about how _that_ goes."  
  
"How do you mean...?"  
  
A moment's struggle later, Teddy shrugged. "Is it that _I'm_ Space Arthur... or am I _Space Arthur_? Did that even make sense?!"  
  
"I think I get what you mean, yes."  
  
"Ugh!" Teddy exclaimed and leaned forward, head in both his hands. Unsure what to say quite yet, Billy simply rubbed circles over Teddy's back, offering his support in the one way that was easily available. A long moment of this later, Teddy finally lowered his hands in favor of giving Billy a longing look.  
"Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about this for a while now, but..."  
  
That brought a frown to Billy's face. "Why didn't you? ...oh?" He blinked when an idea hit him. It was confirmed when Teddy held his hand to his mouth and wiggled his fingers, an obvious reference to Moridun's tentacles - Moridun, the space wizard who almost ate Billy's soul from the inside out.  
Billy slapped his arm. "I'm the only one allowed to do that!" he declared before looking away, hand at his nape. "But yeah, no, that- that would've been _bad_ \--"  
  
This was easy, Teddy thought and leaned back to look at Billy, his focus shifting for the time being to his partner's state. Worrying about Billy came naturally and was familiar grounds, on top of letting him ignore his own issues for a while. He knew better than to think Billy would let him turn it around completely, however, and so decided to make the most of it and be as selfish as Billy would let him be. Giving Billy thus enough time to recover, Teddy leaned against him, head resting against his shoulder. Billy's arm went over his shoulders on instinct, holding him close.  
  
"I'm not too sure who I am anymore... _again_."  
  
Billy nodded solemnly and tilted his head to kiss the top of Teddy's head as best he could. It seemed like he finally got an idea of what to say back to all of that, because he pulled a bit away in an attempt to catch even a glimpse of Teddy's face.  
  
"You want to hear what I think?"  
  
"That's one of the points of this, yeah."  
  
There was a deep inhale and exhale that brushed over Teddy's mess of blonde hair. "I think you have nothing to worry about."  
  
Teddy snorted. Granted, he didn't think that was _all_ Billy had to say, but the over-simplistic statement was still surreal.  
"Oh, this should be good. Care to elaborate?"  
  
"Sure, if you don't mind the lack of a presentation and visual aids. Can't be bothered to conjure those right now."  
  
"Just this once," Teddy mock-huffed and sat up; he wanted to be able to look at Billy for this. The mage on his part nodded, inhaled, and started.  
  
"Ok. While this doesn't solve _everything_ , I still think it's a big relief - reincarnation or not, you've had the same soul since the day you were born. Hatched. Born-- _came into being_."  
Teddy offered an obligatory chuckle, if only at Billy's awkward stuttering. He decided against interrupting further, however, and listened quietly.  
"So whoever you are, you've _always_ been that person."  
  
That made Teddy scrunch his nose. He understood the upside, but at the same time, it only made it worse.  
"So it's all or nothing, huh?"  
  
"That's one way of looking at it, but you really shouldn't cling to the bad side."  
  
"You think I'm _me_?"  
  
Billy nodded and rubbed his hand over Teddy's thigh. "Listen - _everyone_ has an old soul. I'm not saying _nobody_ has 'fresh' souls, but you're likelier to run into someone without a soul at all, probably. But no one's who they used to be, not 100%. Look at it this way, think... think putting together a character for a new roleplay campaign, the very first technical stages, it's just you, and the character page, and the initial points you get to allocate, _no_ freebie points."  
  
The mental image drew another snicker out of Teddy despite himself. Trust Billy to come up with something horribly geeky yet at the same time frighteningly on-point. If nothing else, it was easy for Teddy to envision.  
  
"Ok, done? That's your soul, the core properties shared by everyone you've ever been, are, and will be. But oh, look! Here come the freebie points, based on the different back-stories! And suddenly, there are many variations! And then the campaign starts, and you start leveling up. And what happens? Each 'you' invests the level-up bonuses differently. Now you're even more different! Some of you invested more in your innate strengths. Others - covered your weaknesses. Then there're the 'you's who took it in a completely different direction because sometimes, you just want to watch the world burn and your game-master allows it."  
  
Another chuckle and Teddy palmed his face. It was ridiculous, having Billy go on like that, but he really didn't want him to stop - least of all when what he was saying was just what Teddy wanted to hear.  
  
"Here, I'll raise you. Same basic char-sheet, same level-up allocation, same _everything_. You know why you're still not the same character?"  
  
"...the campaign," Teddy tried, having caught on. Billy nodded.  
  
"You run into different people. You go through different things. I guarantee you past-you didn't have a space-me, and you didn't fight a space Dr. Doom." He paused, blinked, then frowned. " _Was_ there a space-me?"  
  
"Not... that I know of, I mean, they didn't _say_ anything..."  
  
Billy nodded. "Sounds about right."  
  
The intermission was brief, but gave Teddy just the time he needed to let it all sink in. Billy had a point, he knew, and was finally beginning to let himself accept it. "So what you're saying is... I'm such an unrelated piece of alternate-universe fanfiction--"  
  
"You're effectively an original piece." Billy grinned, but it was a brief expression before he looked aside. "Either that, or _I'm_ actually _Mephisto_ \--"  
  
"You're _definitely not_ Mephisto!" Teddy exclaimed. The reference threw him off, but only for a moment and in fact explained things in the long run. After all, it made perfect sense that Billy would have so much insight at the ready about such matters of the soul, given his own complex origin - a soul piece belonging to one of the Hell-Lords, snatched by the Scarlet Witch and made into a child, then magically reincarnated into a young man with an entirely new life. It made Teddy's own situation pale in comparison, but it did nothing if not drive the point home. Knowing this, Billy looked at Teddy with a touch of triumph in his eyes, one that was replaced by a frown when the smile he offered Teddy remained unanswered. Teddy wasn't quite back to brooding, but the ways in which he differed from before weren't exactly reassuring. What at first was frustration and helplessness now turned into sadness and resignation.  
"I wish it was that easy to tell everyone else that about _me_..."  
  
The statement, accompanied by a sigh, made Billy wince. It wasn't that he didn't see where Teddy was coming from, but he still had a hard time understanding how they both saw things so very differently.  Then again, Billy wasn't exactly known to be the best at introspection, was he? How many times did Teddy have to point out things that to him were all but a given but for Billy were life-altering discoveries? It was time to return the favor, Billy thought and smiled before resting his hand on Teddy's shoulder.  
"Hey," he called out gently and waited until Teddy looked at him, even if it was a side-glance. "Back when the Skrulls and Kree came for you for the first time, each clamoring to get you to go with them, if only out of spite for the other. Do you remember what you did?"  
The furrowing of brows was understandable - that wasn't a good time for Teddy to recall. Billy thus didn't stall more than necessary before explaining himself. "Two galactic empires, each trying to be more vocal about who they thought you were, and you sent them _both_ off with an _imposter_ , while you stayed here with us."  
Whether or not the point was made was unknown as Teddy remained silent, but all that did was make Billy go on with added zeal. "Then came Xavin. The poor circumstances of our meeting aside, what with the civil war and all, lordy, the look on their face when they realized who you were! Dorrek VIII, and all the prophecies about you! That's the kind of look I had when I first met Wanda, and I was still busy bleeding out of my nose and sporting a black eye! And _what_ do _you_ do?"  
Leaving Teddy no time to cling to that specific sad occurrence, Billy held out a hand and scrunched his nose, all in a dismissive manner. "No, no. No. The Great Unifier!" he exclaimed then, assuming a different role, only to then return to the disapproving pose. "No, none of that."  
Finally Teddy chuckled at Billy's theatrics; the mage smiled back.  
"And it took them a while, but they came around. Next time we saw them-"  
  
"Was another bad time," Teddy pointed out, recalling the Skrull invasion. The mage offered back a solemn nod.  
  
"It was, but they still called you 'Teddy'. And you know who else does that?"  
  
He did. For all his doubts and resurfaced insecurities, Teddy wasn't too far gone to not get what Billy meant.  
"The Knights."  
  
"'Teddy of Earth'," Billy specified with a grin. "Not two hours since they kidnapped us, and that's what they were calling you, just like everyone else who ever thought to tell you who you were supposed to be - because you set them straight. Now, I may be reaching, but I'm tempted to say there's a pattern here - as well there should be, because you're the only one who gets to decide who you are. It's your call and no one else's, magical swords be damned."  
  
He was right, Teddy knew. Billy was right about everything, and the changeling was finally out of ways to try and argue otherwise - and ultimately, he didn't really want to. He found himself once again validated by Billy, who let Teddy share and supported him as best he could, as he had so often before. And really, who better than Billy to talk Teddy through this - who could possibly hope to know Teddy half as well as Billy did? A heavy breath took most of the remaining pressure out of Teddy's chest, leaving him light if somewhat drained. He glanced at Billy then, his smile small and hesitant, but content.  
"So, despite it all, this is basically... more of the same?"  
  
The change in Teddy's mannerism was obvious and made Billy relax visibly. He then answered the question in a rather joking manner that was very much like him.  
"Let's see, we have Skrull-born literally throwing themselves at your feet, and a bunch of prophecies that sound like something out of a Tolkien epic. I'd call it business as usual, if not for the _very_ nice bonus of the cool, magical space-- sword..."  
Billy blinked, then frowned. Teddy followed his gaze, only to find nothing out of the ordinary there. And then it clicked - nothing was there where his sword should've been. Throwing themselves up, both looked frantically around before concluding that yes, Excelsior was gone. Teddy dashed towards the door, or rather the small panel by it while Billy closed his eyes and concentrated.  
  
"Entry log's empty. We're the only ones in here," Teddy grumbled and looked around, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. "No one was here to pull a prank on us."  
  
"I'm inclined to agree," Billy said, now frowning. "I can't sense anything."  
Despite having said that, Billy didn't look concerned for too long. In fact, a smile was tugging harder and harder at his lips, an excited, goofy grin. "You pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?"  
  
Teddy ignored the reference, but the matching smile he wore was a clear indication he did, in fact, ponder the same thing. " _Magical_ space sword... disappears when unneeded, to reappear when called?"  
  
Billy could hardly contain himself at that point, eyes bright and fists clenched. "Do the thing, Tee!"  
  
Grinning, Teddy spread his feet to better his stance, took a deep breath, then reached his hand out.  
  
"To me, Excelsior!"  
  
Bright light burst from his palm, extending to the full length of the blade before shattering into pieces. Left tightly gripped and fully materialized was Teddy's sword, as bright and impressive as ever. Both young heroes stared at it, then at each other, then responded in the only way they could.  
" _AAAAAAAAH!_ " they exclaimed in unison, gleeful sounds.  
  
"Holy shit, it can do that?!"  
  
"Do that again, do that again!" Billy insisted, repeatedly poking Teddy's arm. Teddy tried to wave him away with his free hand but only half heartedly.  
  
"I'm trying, but I'm not sure what to do!"  
  
"Well, how did you do it in the first place?"  
  
"I don't know!"  
It was the truth, Teddy realized before resuming a more sober air. How _did_ he do that? One moment it was there, and they were talking, then the next--  
"Ah--"  
  
"Woah!" Billy cooed as the sword disappeared again, breaking into sparks before fading into nothing. "How did you do that?! That's so cool!"  
  
The changeling looked at his empty hand before closing his fist.  
"I just... let go, I guess," he answered simply and met Billy's enthused look with a bashful one. This wasn't the first time they had hyped over each other, but very rarely Teddy managed to take it with stride - least of all right then when he was overwhelmed with appreciation and gratitude towards his partner for putting his concerns to rest. He felt much better after their talk, and wondered if the sword's misbehavior wasn't related - ah, who was he fooling, of course it was.  
"Maybe it's because... I accepted it?" he asked softly, not realizing the full weight of his words. Billy said nothing in return to that for a while until finally he smiled, hand resting on Teddy's cheek.  
  
"Then I'm even happier we had this talk."  
  
Smiling back, Teddy covered Billy's hand with his own and kissed his palm. The blissful expression bled into something darker then, and finally settled on a look not unlike worry.  
"How bad do you think Max will take it when we tell him he can't use us as an excuse to ditch meetings anymore? Since I can make the sword go poof and all."  
  
Billy winced. "We have made a very, _very_ powerful enemy today, Teddy!"  
  
"Let's see what else I can do with this sword while we still can, then."  
  
"You're on!"  
  
The sword fit all the better in his hand now, Teddy thought and looked up at Billy, who seemed ready to resume their training session. And that was the guy he owed it all to; Teddy really was lucky to have him, wasn't he? Granted, it didn't mean he would hold back.  
  
"What was it you said about _pinball_?" came the dare as the sword began glowing brightly.  
  
"...uh oh."


End file.
